Slow lane or hit the wall.

by Darla on December 17, 2007

in Life

I always have good intentions about blogging but life seems to always happen. Whenever I hit the fast lane in life, like the past month and a half there comes a time when you just have to slow down or you end up hitting the wall. Lately I’ve hit the wall.

About 2.5 weeks ago it started with not feeling right nothing you can put your finger on and nothing major just not right. Mostly it felt like a sandstorm was brewing and my head was stuffed with quilt batting. (fluffy white stuff) Then, dizzy spells, blurred vision, ringing in the ears, nausea, headaches but no fever. After 4 trips to the local American Hospital and blood tests they’ve determined that my cholesterol is elevated.

HMMM well it has been that way for awhile so it doesn’t stand to reason that it is just that. I thought I had an ear infection but no pain. The other thought was that I pinched a nerve in my neck. Well that was fine so no. Basically they gave me meds to take care of the cholesterol, nausea and dizziness telling me to come back in 3 months for more blood tests and the dizziness should last for about 3 weeks then dissipate.

The symptoms above aren’t constant anymore, good thing but still I’m impatient and want to be better today. Driving in normal conditions is scary add in a little dizziness and I would have to be off my rocker to drive. So I’ve spent some time at home of late.

They tested for vertigo but ruled that out as one of the major symptoms is missing. Because I can’t drive, Brian has been taking time off to take me to the doctor. A coworker yesterday asked how things were progressing. She mentioned that several years ago she had a similar situation. They finally determined that she had an inner ear infection that flared the nerves and well caused all of the above. There was nothing to do but wait for it to go away, for her two months later. So we are on a waiting mission.

My brother in law’s condition (stage 4 stomach cancer) has worsened and it seems every time there is something good the bad news comes seconds later and it is worse than ever. This is when you notice the distance of living so far away.

Since I was little, I’ve always had a fear that I would die while my children are young and not be able to see them grown up. Friday’s church services were about preparing ourselves for death. Are we ready to embrace it or are we running fast and hard?

As the Christmas season approaches I’m ever reminded of the blessings we have to know and believe in Christ. The hope that we receive doesn’t relieve the hard times but certainly helps you to cope with it. So while it is Christmas, our thoughts have been more sober and thought provoking this year. It has been more about the thoughts of the ultimate gift we were given.

Samuel said it all the other day. Mom when will Jesus leave our presents under the tree? I told him Christmas Eve (and every other day of the year in my thoughts.) We haven’t made a big deal about Santa. We all watch the fun movies and such. I don’t lie about it (unless it is omission) but I don’t tell tales about it either. I’ve always believed that we have a spirit of giving deep inside each one of us. Who is to say that there wasn’t someone named Santa Claus that cultivated such a spirit of giving that through legends handed down he has become more fantastic with each retelling. Not Santa’s fault but those who tell the tale.

This year has been more of a focus on spending time with our family and being grateful for each and every minute we have together. Being unable to run about in my normal frenzy has given me time to pause and reflect. I am grateful for the time that I’ve had to slow down and appreciate my family and all that they do for me. For the time that I have each and every day to spend with my children experiencing their physical and spiritual growth. While I know that death for everyone is inevitable I am glad to know that it doesn’t stand on my door today and that I have more time to learn, grow and experience all that life has to give.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: